Not Taking Responsibility
Often, couples going through relationship counselling are there partly because they’ve got a bad habit of blaming all their problems on the other person in the relationship. There is this overlying belief, if only my partner could change his/her behavior everything will be better. We’ve all been there, thought that. But that’s unfortunately not the case: in most relationships, it’s both partners who contribute to distress and dissatisfaction through their negative behaviours. Therefore, the first step in couples therapy is to stop the blame game and view problems as part of the relational system. Couples counselling can help you and your partner take responsibility for their actions – something that everyone will benefit from.
Not Being Aware Of Common Patterns
Let us set the scene: you’re in an argument, and both of you are pretty heated, and it’s all got to do with money. Money issues are commonly fought about in relationships, because, well, they’re stressful and everyone handles their finances differently. But after you’ve argued about the handling of the money issue, you realize it wasn’t about the spending at the end of the fight. This is a pattern, and couples counselling can help you recognize it as it’s happening. You’ll learn to pull back from everyday problems to see the larger recurring patterns in the relationship. The process of how you communicate with your partner is influenced by your personality, your family of origin, and your previous life experiences. These automatic, learned responses influence every aspect of your relationship – and can lead to a satisfying intimate partnership or a distressing one.
Not Learning New Relationship Skills
As you become more and more aware of patterns and each partner’s role in the relationship, you’ll have a better idea of what needs to change. In couples therapy, you and your partner can learn concrete skills and tools to help you have a happier relationship. You’ll learn how to communicate more effectively, how to be more attuned to your partner’s experiences, as well as how to recognize your own triggers and know when you need to take a break. Overall, it is likely that you’ll gain increased emotional intelligence and maturity.
Keeping Up With Your Gains!
Without a doubt, couples counselling is no easy task. IT’s hard work, and yes, we ask you to be open, to be vulnerable, and to take some risks emotionally with your partner. That being said, this process is in place to give you the opportunity to be happier and feel more fulfilled in life, and in your relationship. You’ll be satisfied with your progress, and we’ll explore more ways to keep with your gains and continue your strong and healthy partnerships.