Why Romanticism Ruins Relationships


BrokenLoveWe see and hear it in our movies, songs, books, even commercials. ‘Romance’ is an important part of our culture, a feature of relationships between couples that we take for granted, but we rarely understand.

Romance can provide tremendous strength to a relationship, but it can also make relationships considerably harder than they have to be. We shouldn’t give up on Love, but giving up a little bit of our ‘Romantic’ side can be extremely helpful to our relationships.

Find out why this is, and how to do it, with Ottawa Marriage Therapists

What Romance Really Is.

CouplesTherapyOttawa1Love and Romance are not the same thing, a fact that might surprise many ‘Romantics’.

Romance can be understood as an idea of what ‘true love’ looks like. It says that by being in a relationship of ‘true love’:

  • You will enjoy a life-long, consistently passionate relationship.
  • Love will be so strong between you and your partner you are both incapable of even thinking about being with another person.
  • You and your partner should know each other so completely that you know what’s going on in the depths of each other’s souls without even speaking a word.
  • You unconditionally accept everything about each other.

We believe our lives ought to look like this picture because we have grown surrounded by it, but few understand that this picture is a historical creation. While beautiful and tremendously enjoyable, Romanticism ruins relationships!

Why Romanticism Ruins Relationships

Romanticism is full of myths concerning what love is supposed to feel and look like. When our relationships don’t look the way we have come to expect them to be, we feel that our relationship is somehow failing.

  • Infrequent sex and lulls in passion are not indications falling out of love. Nobody in human history has enjoyed highly satisfying sex from the start, to the end, of a lifelong relationship.
  • Finding other people attractive, even in a life-long relationship, is not an indication of failure. It is an indication that a person is human. While this doesn’t justify infidelity, holding anyone (including yourself) to the expectation of never finding another attractive after falling in love is irrational.
  • It’s arguably impossible to even know yourself fully, so how could it be possible to understand another without communication? 
  • One of the things that make Love so powerful is it’s ability to change us into better people. By not accepting everything about our partner, we can identify areas where we can help them grow as people.

marriage-counselling-familySaving Your Love, Restricting Romance

Restricting the romance in your relationship doesn’t mean you can’t have romantic experiences.

It just means you ought to question your romantic expectations.


But romantic expectations can be tough to shake. It might feel like you’re giving up on love, but the truth is you’re trying to save it!

For more insight into romance, love, and relationships; get in touch with Marriage Therapists Ottawa.

Getting a Reluctant Spouse into Couples Counselling

Dont want to hearIn many cases, it’s one spouse who wants to engage with couples counselling, and another who does not.

Very little progress can be made if a partner is hesitant or defensive in the the therapists office. After all, couples counseling is couples counseling.

Getting your partner past this stage starts with understanding why they’re there in the first place. After that, the rest comes naturally. Find out why your spouse is reluctant to engage with couples counseling, and what to do about it, with Marriage Therapists Ottawa: Read More

3 Things Counsellors Want You to Know About Marriage Counselling

marriage counselling ottawaMost enter into marriage with high expectations, but as the years progress, find that they are not in the relationship they thought was waiting for them. When they can’t seem to find the path to where they want their marriage to be, it’s not uncommon to seek guidance in the form of marriage counselling. Most enter into counselling without a few common misconceptions, and clearing them up can help you get the best value from your first sessions, so here are 3 things counselors want you to know about marriage counselling! Read More

Working on Emotional Translation

Marriage Counselling OttawaWorking on ones listening skills is a vital part of maintaining any healthy relationship, but doing so requires more than simply hearing what a person has to say.

Hearing is a passive thing. It only requires us to dedicate our attention to a speaker and simply hear what they have to say.

Listening is an active thing. It requires a little less hearing, and a whole lot more thinking. Truly listening requires a person to dig below the surface meaning of words to get to the meaning of what a person is trying to communicate.

In the pursuit of maintaining healthy, long-lasting relationships, we need to cultivate our skills of Emotional Translation. Find out how with Marriage Therapists Ottawa.

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What To Expect From Couples Counselling

Ottawa couples therapyCouples counselling, couples therapy, marriage counselling, etc. Whatever you want to call it, entering into your first sessions of professional help to address problems in your relationship is never an easy experience. When you know what to expect out of your counselling experience, you remove an element of mystery that can cause significant anxiety, making the whole experience better and more effective. Learn more from Ottawa Marriage Therapists. Read More

Managing Your Relationship Over The Holidays

ottawa christmas marriage therapy holidaysWhen it comes to making it through the holidays alive, those in the midst of relationship problems often consider just surviving a success. The holiday’s are supposed to be so much more than that, but when you’ve got troubles in your marriage, family festivities can often be a pressure-cooker that brings the worst out of your relationship. Learn how to manage your relationship by managing your environment with Marriage Therapists Ottawa.

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Relationship and Marriage Therapy Services, One And The Same.

Marriage Therapy Services

The Problem

Marriage Therapy ServicesThose in non-married relationships are often struck by problems that could be addressed in counseling, but are prevented from entering into counseling out of a uninformed idea of what it’s is all about, and who it is for. Placing too much emphasis on the idea and institution of marriage than the average, people often think that what’s expected of them in a relationship changes once they reach the other side of an arbitrary moment in time when both man and woman say “I do”. Before that moment, counseling is seen as an acceptance of defeat; after that moment, a statement about a couple’s commitment to a long-lasting relationship. This idea; that couples counseling is inappropriate before marriage, is completely absurd and has been the downfall of too many relationships that could have flourished. Don’t let your relationship join their number. Read More

How Seeking Relationship Counselling Makes Your Relationship Stronger

Relationship Counselling OttawaRelationship Counselling is Not Evidence of a Failing Relationship.

Most people take relationship counselling to be a bad omen for a couple, especially in an unmarried relationship. The explicit acknowledgement that you’ve got problems feels like a bad thing because by seeking it out, you’re admitting that you’ve got problems you can’t solve alone. It feels like an admission of defeat, like if you can’t solve this; then the relationship might as well be over anyway. If you’ve got relationship problems that you are struggling to solve, challenging your views on the nature of relationship counselling, and what it says about your relationship can prove central to strengthening your relationship.

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Finding Couples Therapy in Ottawa

CouplesTherapyOttawa2You love your partner, your partner loves you. But things aren’t going the way you feel they should be. You’re interested in couple’s therapy, so you reach out online to find a therapist, and are left with more questions than answers. Which type of therapy is best? Which therapist is best for you? You’re overwhelmed and not sure what to do next.

We understand. We can help.

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The Unsung Benefits of Marriage Counselling

marriage-counselling-ottawa-therapist-sessionWe’ll let you in on some sage advice: “You could use marriage counselling if a) you’re married, and b) you’re breathing” – Matthew Turvey. Read More