Why Romanticism Ruins Relationships

BrokenLoveWe see and hear it in our movies, songs, books, even commercials. ‘Romance’ is an important part of our culture, a feature of relationships between couples that we take for granted, but we rarely understand.

Romance can provide tremendous strength to a relationship, but it can also make relationships considerably harder than they have to be. We shouldn’t give up on Love, but giving up a little bit of our ‘Romantic’ side can be extremely helpful to our relationships.

Find out why this is, and how to do it, with Ottawa Marriage Therapists

What Romance Really Is.

CouplesTherapyOttawa1Love and Romance are not the same thing, a fact that might surprise many ‘Romantics’.

Romance can be understood as an idea of what ‘true love’ looks like. It says that by being in a relationship of ‘true love’:

  • You will enjoy a life-long, consistently passionate relationship.
  • Love will be so strong between you and your partner you are both incapable of even thinking about being with another person.
  • You and your partner should know each other so completely that you know what’s going on in the depths of each other’s souls without even speaking a word.
  • You unconditionally accept everything about each other.

We believe our lives ought to look like this picture because we have grown surrounded by it, but few understand that this picture is a historical creation. While beautiful and tremendously enjoyable, Romanticism ruins relationships!

Why Romanticism Ruins Relationships

Romanticism is full of myths concerning what love is supposed to feel and look like. When our relationships don’t look the way we have come to expect them to be, we feel that our relationship is somehow failing.

  • Infrequent sex and lulls in passion are not indications falling out of love. Nobody in human history has enjoyed highly satisfying sex from the start, to the end, of a lifelong relationship.
  • Finding other people attractive, even in a life-long relationship, is not an indication of failure. It is an indication that a person is human. While this doesn’t justify infidelity, holding anyone (including yourself) to the expectation of never finding another attractive after falling in love is irrational.
  • It’s arguably impossible to even know yourself fully, so how could it be possible to understand another without communication? 
  • One of the things that make Love so powerful is it’s ability to change us into better people. By not accepting everything about our partner, we can identify areas where we can help them grow as people.

marriage-counselling-familySaving Your Love, Restricting Romance

Restricting the romance in your relationship doesn’t mean you can’t have romantic experiences.

It just means you ought to question your romantic expectations.


But romantic expectations can be tough to shake. It might feel like you’re giving up on love, but the truth is you’re trying to save it!

For more insight into romance, love, and relationships; get in touch with Marriage Therapists Ottawa.


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